She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
