My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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