She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
