You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
