I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
