Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
The air taste purple.
Randomize
