Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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