hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
