I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My penis needs a shock collar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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