mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Is Oprah even human
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
