Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
