Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you would pick up someone in the library
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
