i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
