I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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