Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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