did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
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just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
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I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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