i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
