Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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