I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
