i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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