Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
