It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
