I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
