Got a toothbrush?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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