I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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