Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize