saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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