no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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