my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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