If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
