I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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