He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
