The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize