we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
