thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
