well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
