you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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