Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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