theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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