Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
