just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
