I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
