It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
