i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
