Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
