he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
