this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
