The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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