I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
