Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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