i always forget guys have bellybuttons
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
