there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
