I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
