when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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