They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
