I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
As shirtless as possible
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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