but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
