Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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