38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
