Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
farters have to be the big spoon...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
