So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
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And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
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If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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