I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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