You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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