You work out of a Hotel?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
