I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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