I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
