So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
