My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
